Part of the process of finding change and growth in our lives is learning about who we really are. And, to be honest, sometimes that’s hard to do. We can be blind to our own weaknesses and may build defenses to prevent dealing with difficult issues.
Good questions can break through those blocks, even when about seemingly insignificant topics. We assume that the powerful questions are ones that take on the “important” stuff; the reality is that a good question is one that gives us a better picture of who we are. For many of these questions, there is no “right” or “wrong” answer but the answer helps us understand why we respond the way we do.
Take the question “Are you better at working or relaxing?” Understanding our answer to the question may help us understand why we are driven toward our hang-ups. Identifying that drivenness can provide the opportunity to change that past hurt into future hope.
Once we’ve learned to ask ourselves good questions, we can learn to ask others. This requires that we learn to truly listen. How many times have you asked someone “How are you today?” and paid no attention to the response? Or, when someone asked you that, you replied with the meaningless “I’m good.” Think of how your reply would have been different if they walked up and said “I really want to know how you’re feeling.”
What, for instance, is the difference between the questions we ask ourselves in private and the ones we ask of other people?
Crisis lines use questions to take the pressure off urgent despair, starting from vague and general — “What’s going on right now? What are you feeling?” — moving toward sources of pain or safety or comfort. Open Share — which asks us to answer those very same questions — can provide that same opportunity to work out feelings we might not have been able to put into words.
We can provide that same safe place to talk with our questions, but doing this requires being intentional, according to psychoanalyst Dr. Orna Guralnik. ‘When you ask the question, be sure that you want to know something that you don’t know already.,” Allow a question to open space for the unexpected. For Guralnik, perhaps the most important part of asking questions is what comes next. “There’s a really big difference between expressing oneself . . . and listening,” she advised. “If you’re asking a question, then move into listening mode and actually listen.”
For CR Sponsors, this ability to draw people out in an environment where they can share openly without fear is vital. We should practice our ability to ask good questions to be more effective in our role. Start with asking yourself qood questions, then share those questions with others to help them along their path in recovery.
Source Article: https://beside.media/atelier/how-to-ask-good-questions/